


What's Left Unspoken

by SoulNarrative



Category: AFI
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-02
Updated: 2015-01-02
Packaged: 2018-03-04 21:41:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3091322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoulNarrative/pseuds/SoulNarrative
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Davey and Nils sink in treacherous waters.<br/>CONTINUED IN "TOAST THE FLAME."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word count: 7748   
> Published: 02/12/2008 Updated: 02/27/2008

_Please catch me now, I'm lying._

_You taught me how it can feel like love._   
_Just catch your breath._   
_We'll dive in and our descent_   
_will somehow feel like life goes on._

_Oh, my, my, you're oh so sly._   
_Let's leave unsaid what's left unspoken._

_Please hold me now, I'm freezing._   
_God tell me how we ever got this cold._

_Oh, my, my, you're oh so sly._   
_Let's leave unsaid what's left unspoken_   
_And oh, my boy, you're oh so coy_   
_Let's just pretend that nothing's broken._

_We'll censor the ending for me...for you._

_What's Left Unspoken - Blaqk Audio_

 

 

Cutting pain. Urgent need to empty his bladder and bowels. Running water, the hiss of shower spray. The ceiling swam into focus as he forced open his eyes.

He tried to wiggle his fingers but he couldn’t feel them. The pain gnawing at his wrists became sharper as he pulled against the cuffs.

The water stopped, followed by muffled sounds. The door opened and the heady aroma of grooming products reached him.

“Thank god...Let me up.” No response.

Louder, “Dave. Let me up.”

Davey approached the bed and looked down at him. “But you look delicious like that,” he smiled.

“You won’t think so after I piss and shit on your bed. Let me the fuck up. Now.”

Davey frowned and sighed in exasperation. In no hurry, he opened the handcuffs and stepped away.

Nils cursed as he lowered his arms, a million needles piercing them as the circulation returned. Somehow he got himself upright and perched on the edge of the bed. He grimaced as he rubbed his numb hands. Davey had turned away and was choosing an outfit for the day.

Nils rose to his feet and sprinted to the bathroom. He slammed the door shut and sunk down on the toilet just in time. He relaxed there, letting the strength flow back into his limbs. He was still angry with Davey for refusing to use a condom again.

Deciding on a shower, he checked the door and made sure it was locked. As he lathered his hair, he felt the anxiety rising. Davey left him restrained a little longer every time this happened. What if Davey left the house while he was sleeping and he woke to find himself trapped for god knows how long? His anger turned inward and he vowed he’d never be so stupid again.

Nils entered the kitchen to find Davey hunting for breakfast in the bare cupboards. Nils stood beside him, hoping he’d find something to share. He was always so hungry. He’d ask Davey to go to the grocery again today.

Suddenly, the cabinet door swung towards him and he jumped backwards to avoid being hit in the face.

“What the fuck!?”

Davey ignored him. Nils stared at him in disbelief.

“Dave! You almost hit me!”

Davey turned to look at him and Nils was surprised to see him glaring at him.

“Honestly Nils, now you’re imagining things. I don’t appreciate being accused of things I didn’t do.”

Nils felt guilty for having said anything. It was probably just an accident. Something must be bothering Davey and he was acting it out without even realizing it.

He stepped towards Davey, arms out to embrace him but Davey took a step backwards. Nils was cut to the quick.

It was what had made their relationship so special. Davey had let him comfort him, had taken off the charming, charismatic mask on rare occasions. Nils knew Adam was the only other person that had seen him so vulnerable. He knew Jade sensed it and did what he could to support Davey through those dark days but they didn’t openly discuss it.

Nils loved taking Davey in his arms and soothing him, stroking his hair, whispering assurances while he hid his face in Nils’ shoulder and silently cried. He knew Davey needed him then.

When Davey continued to glare at him, hostility hiding just below the surface, Nils turned away to hide the sudden tears that filled his eyes.

“Okay, Dave. I know something’s really bothering you. We’ll talk about it later,” Nils replied in an even tone that belied his hurt.

He heard Davey sigh in exasperation.

“There’s nothing to talk about. Stop being hypersensitive.” Nils gave up and changed the subject.

“Is there any almond butter left? I’m starving.”

Davey tossed the jar in the trash. “No, there isn’t.”

“I’ll go to the store today if you’ll leave me the money for a cab and groceries.” Nils never would’ve guessed that leaving his car behind in Newport Beach would be a problem after he got to Oakland with Davey.

“If you’d been more responsible and not lost your wallet this wouldn’t be an issue.”

“Jesus, I’m not going on a spending spree on Rodeo. I just want to get what we need for the house.”

“You mean, what you _want_. I’m going out for lunch anyway.”

“Oh yeah? Where?”

Davey mentioned Nils’ favorite restaurant.

“Really?! Please bring me back my usual. My mouth is watering just thinking about it.”

“No problem.” There was something dismissive in Davey’s tone that made Nils doubt that he would.

Davey gathered up his keys and Sidekick and headed for the door.

“Davey, kiss goodbye?”

“I’m late,” he tossed over his shoulder. He was gone.

Nils ignored his disappointment and sense of rejection as he wiped Davey’s breakfast crumbs from the counter. He stepped on the foot pedal to flick them into the trash can and saw the jar of almond butter. It was half full.

 

  
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at <http://www.afislash.com/viewstory.php?sid=6767>


	2. Chapter 2

Nils leaned against the railing and took in the view of the Bay from the deck. It was one of those rare days when the sky was clear and reflected in the water. He scooped up the neighbors’ cat that liked to frequent Davey’s house and was lounging on the ledge.

“Just you and me again, Cake.” He kissed the cat between the ears. The long, lonely day stretched out before him. He wondered how he’d ended up in this distressing situation.

His mind wandered back to when he’d fallen in love with Davey. It was during the recording of DecemberUnderground. The lengthy touring that followed and forced separation from Davey had been unbearable. So was it really so surprising that when Davey had asked him to come stay in Oakland with him, Nils had just packed a bag and jumped in Davey’s car, grinning like a fool?

‘ “Fool” is right,’ Nils chided himself. Now he found himself several hours away from his possessions, friends, family and work. He couldn’t understand it. Davey had been more than generous at first but when Nils “lost” his wallet he seemed to have lost Davey’s trust with it.

Nils was having serious internet withdrawal as well. But Davey had no landline and always took his laptop with him. Nils had managed with his cell until he missed a few payments and the service had been dropped. It all came back to the missing wallet that held his credit cards, ID., etc.

He couldn’t understand Davey’s attitude concerning the issue. Davey had always trusted him in everything. Now he wouldn’t even let him borrow his car. Nils was becoming more claustrophobic by the day.

At first, he’d passed time walking the neighborhood but he was always so tired now that he’d given it up. Davey’s house was located near the top of a hill and Nils just couldn’t muster the energy anymore. He was embarrassed to admit-even to himself-that the lethargy was probably caused by the simple lack of food. It just wasn’t possible. He wouldn’t believe he was slowly starving in his lover’s home.

He wandered into the house and closed the blinds in the bedroom. He curled up on their bed for another long nap, ignoring the gnawing hunger in his stomach. He didn’t get much sleep at night. Davey’s sexual appetite was insatiable lately and he woke Nils nearly every night.

Nils woke to the sound of Davey’s car pulling into the driveway. He smiled to himself and jumped to his feet. He stopped in the bathroom to rinse his mouth and comb down his hair so he’d be ready to greet Davey at the door. He couldn’t wait to take him in his arms again.

Nils threw open the door when he heard Davey’s keys jingling. He pulled him inside and kissed him hard, pressing against him.

Davey gave a low chuckle. “I take it you missed me?”

“More than you can imagine,” Nils smiled and kissed him again. He held him tight and closed his eyes. He buried his face in Davey’s hair, inhaling deeply.

“Outta the way, sexkittens!” A voice broke into Nils’ momentary bliss. Marshall Carnage’s dreaded, threaded hair came into view over Davey’s shoulder. He pushed past the two and Davey dropped his arms from around Nils. He followed Marshall, laughing along with him. Nils reluctantly trailed behind them.

Marshall settled on the sofa, taking a swig from a fifth of Jack Daniels before setting it on the coffee table. He crossed his legs and stretched his arms across the back.

“Nils, you’ll have to help me finish that since Davey here can’t. Or won’t.” He made a face at Davey‘s back. Davey was engrossed in finding music for them to listen to.

Nils eyed the whiskey wistfully. He’d always loved to party and he hadn’t had the chance since moving in with Davey. He watched as Davey sunk gracefully into the sofa next to Marshall.

“This is new Imperative Reaction. It’s not released yet. Like it?” There was something flirtatious in Davey’s voice.

Marshall lazily dropped his hand on Davey’s shoulder. “I do,” he replied as he gave it a light squeeze. Now Nils really wanted a drink. Or to kick Marshall in the balls.

Unfortunately, he didn’t have it in him to do either. He knew he’d be sick if he drank on an empty stomach and he definitely wasn’t up for a fight.

“Davey, where’s the food I asked for? You did go to my favorite sushi place, right?”

“Yes, that’s where I ran into Marshall. I thought you’d like some company.”

“Dave. My food?? Where is it?”

“Oh shit. I forgot .” Davey leaned back and sighed.

“Davey! How could you?” Nils was appalled at the whine in his own voice.

“Hey, wait! I’ve got leftovers in my car. It’s okay, Nils.”

Nils exhaled in relief. He extended his hand and said, “Keys, please?” He tried not to sound too demanding.

Davey retrieved them from his pocket and tossed them to Nils. “Thank you,” Nils replied stiffly and made for the door.

“Look for the doggy bag! Fetch, Nils!” Marshall threw back his head and laughed.

Nils hissed, “Fuck you,” as he slammed the door behind him.

****************************************************************************************

Marshall took another swig of liquor, leaned into Davey and gave him a conspiratorial wink. “Hey, how about a kiss?”

“How’s Danni?’” Davey pointedly inquired about Marshall’s girlfriend.

“She hasn’t killed me yet,” Marshall grinned.

“I can’t imagine why not,” Davey observed dryly. He pulled away from Marshall’s partial embrace and pretended to fan away his alcohol-laden breath.

“Well, she’s not here. Nils’ not here either. But you and I are…” Marshall took Davey’s chin in his hand and turned his face towards his. He rubbed his thumb over Davey’s lipring.

“Even if I did consider your proposition, Nils is here. He just ran out to the car.”

“Dude, no he’s not. That was ten minutes ago. And I heard your car start up. He took off.”

Marshall’s grin faded as he watched the panic spread across Davey’s face.

*****************************************************************************************  
Nils screeched to a stop at the bottom of the hill. He was stuffing sushi in his mouth three at a time until he’d finished Davey’s leftovers. He couldn’t believe his good luck when he spied the cigarette Marshall had dropped on the floor.

He rolled down the window and leaned his head out as far as he could, deeply inhaling the night air. He wanted to drive fast. He tried to remember the way to the highway but couldn’t. Instead he headed for the Berkeley campus. If he couldn’t have speed, then he’d have people, lots of people.

******************************************************************************************

Davey stood at the window, peering out at the driveway, nervously shifting from foot to foot.

“He can’t go far. There was less than a quarter tank of gas in it and he doesn’t have any money,” he reassured himself aloud.

Marshall sidled up behind him and slid his hands up Davey’s chest before lightly resting them there. “Mmm, you’ve got the best pecs,” Marshall whispered into Davey’s ear.

“Sure you don’t want a taste?” Marshall frequently fantasized about Davey giving him head.

Davey snapped, “Look, we both know we’re not going to fuck so maybe you should just go.”

“How will I do that? You drove, remember?”

“Take a cab.”

“All the way across the Bay?”

“I’ll pay. Here you go.” Davey handed his phone to Marshall just as the cab dispatcher answered.

***************************************************************************************

Nils was tired as he pulled into the drive, the adrenaline long exhausted. He dreaded facing Marshall’s sarcasm. He was relieved to see him nowhere in sight when he opened the door.

“Where is he?,” he asked Davey as he shut and locked the door.

“Gone.”

“Good riddance,” Nils muttered. He noted the whiskey bottle still on the table. He picked it up and headed to the kitchen for a glass.

He downed two shots, closed his eyes and enjoyed the warmth spreading through his chest and stomach. He sipped on a third and felt his entire body relax. When Davey walked into the kitchen, Nils wanted him more than he had in a long time.

“I want to make love with you for hours,” he whispered as he reached for Davey and gave him a seductive look.

Davey returned the look with one of cold accusation. His arms were crossed hard against his chest. But Nils was a little drunk and welcomed it when Davey’s hand slid into his hair. He tilted his head back and closed his eyes when he felt the pull begin. He moaned softly.

The pull quickly exceeded his comfort level and he opened his eyes in playful protest. Davey was in his face, jaw clenched. He yanked hard and Nils yelped in protest. Davey crushed him against the counter.

“Who is he?,” Davey hissed between gritted teeth, bending Nils’ neck backwards.

“Stop, Davey! You’re hurting me!” Nils tried to twist away but Davey’s grip on his hair just increased.

“Who. Is. He.” Davey's voice was cold as ice.

"Who?? What are you talking about?" Nils was on the verge of tears.

"Don’t fuck with me! Who's the slut you sneaked out to see?!"

"Nobody! I swear! I just needed to get away for awhile..." Nils clutched at Davey’s hand, trying to extricate it from his hair.

"You expect me to believe that?" Davey twisted his hand tighter.

Nils broke. Through his tears he choked out, "I didn't want to stay here and watch Marshall seduce you, okay?!"

Davey suddenly dropped his hand from Nils' hair. He stood staring at Nils and then a smirk slowly formed around his mouth. "Why am I worried anyway? Who would want a scrawny thing like you?"

Davey stepped back and something clattered on the counter behind Nils. He turned on his heel and left Nils alone in the kitchen.

Nils stood there shaking, his chest heaving. It was inconceivable Davey could be so cruel. He placed his hands on the counter behind him for support.

His breath hitched when his fingers grazed what had been dropped there behind his back. It was a razor-sharp paring knife.

  
img src="stories/1214/images/Nils.jpg">

 

  
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at <http://www.afislash.com/viewstory.php?sid=6767>


	3. Chapter 3

Nils’ head pounded and his stomach churned when he woke. He’d passed out on the sofa. He smelled Davey’s tea brewing and groaned in disappointment. He’d given anything for a large double latte from Peet's.

Peet’s, one of Davey’s favorite haunts. It was one of several that Nils had loved to visit whenever he’d been fortunate enough to spend a few days in Oakland. He knew some of his friends in L.A. smirked and accused him of slumming when he’d gush about Davey’s place.

But Nils saw the poor suburb of San Francisco through Davey’s eyes, not those of a privileged SoCal kid. Besides, as far as he was concerned, any place Davey walked into was instantly elevated to first-class by his unaffected sophistication.

He wondered why Davey never had time for him now, why he always had to go without him. In the past, Davey would take him to interviews, radio shows, video shoots, everywhere.

A part of him worried that Davey was seeing someone else. He believed he wouldn’t break edge and sleep around while they were together but he knew that if Davey had one weakness, it was sex.

Marshall. He shouldn’t have left them alone last night. Memories from the night before intruded. He’d returned to the bottle of whiskey and drank more after…no, that had been a nightmare, surely a nightmare.

He struggled to get up after the room stopped spinning and managed to walk out to the kitchen. Davey was standing at the counter with his back to him.

“Dave, do we have any crackers or anything for my stomach?”

Davey turned from the cutting board and offered him a slice of mango. Nils’ fingers trembled as he plucked it from the tip of the all-too-familiar paring knife.

So it hadn’t been a dream. Suddenly he was freezing.

His legs gave out and he sank down across from Davey. He took a deep breath and held Davey’s eyes as he weakly began.

“Last night…”

“…you were disgustingly drunk.”

“I know…”

“And you know how I hate that.”

“I know but…”

“But I shouldn’t be surprised , should I? The first time I saw you, you had a drink in your hand and reeked of weed.”

“Davey, it was my 21st birthday party.”

“I was already straight-edge at that age.”

“I know but I’ve told you that if and when I choose that lifestyle I want to be sure, for life. I don’t want to be one of those hypocrites that claim the X one month then you see them staggering drunk and popping every kind of pill the next. I want to be like you and Jade, really committed. I admire and respect you both for that.”

Nils’ words mollified Davey and his expression softened. His eyes took on a distant look.

“I’ll never forget that night, the first time I saw you. I was mesmerized. You looked so young and had a delicate beauty. I was hypnotized by the way you tilted your head when you laughed with your friends. Your smile was like seeing the sun rise and set all at once. The way you lowered your eyes after giving me that first seductive glance was so charmingly coy. I was completely disarmed.”

Nils gingerly took Davey’s hand in his.

“Davey…are you still in love with me?” He held his breath, waiting for the answer.

In response, Davey slid to his knees and rested his head on Nils’ lap. He looked up at him for a heart-stopping moment.

“You are my everything. I can’t live without you. When you left last night without a word, I was absolutely panicked. Now do you understand?” Davey implored.

Nils took Davey’s face in his hands and studied the genuine fear he saw there.

“Yeah, I do,” he whispered and then kissed Davey tenderly, all the while fearing he had sealed his fate.

 

  
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at <http://www.afislash.com/viewstory.php?sid=6767>


	4. Chapter 4

_Your eyes_

_they often lie_   
_and leave me feeling_   
_misunderstood_   
_our tragedy_   
_plays out like a symphony_   
_a breath and a whisper_   
_are your clues_   
_inside we shake_   
_because we're afraid_   
_but we're certainly not afraid of you_   
_these dreams instead_   
_who like a blanket_   
_has smothered me but still left me warm_

_Faith, we're acting on courage alone_   
_what will they do_   
_when that's all through?_   
_dance in the dark_   
_sleeve pinned with a heart_   
_just to let you know_   
_that we're in pain_

_Every now and then you have to see_   
_that the wall we've built has landed on me_   
_every now and then why don't we pretend_   
_that things will come together in the end_   
_every now and then just open your eyes_   
_does every part of everything have to be right_   
_every now and then- so that after a while_   
_I might get through and make you smile_

_I don't want sympathy_   
_or your apologies_   
_why don't you understand?_   
_the face you see_   
_well it belongs to me_   
_and I'm doing the best I can..._

_just to make you smile_   
_just to make you smile_   
_again._

__ Heart On My Sleeve -  _ _Cruxshadows__ _ _

**********************************************************

Nils was alone again. Davey’s proclamation of devotion the night before had been strangely disquieting. Nils chose to ignore his intuition and pretend that all was well, that nothing was broken, as he wished it to be.

He was putting away laundry and listening to the Cruxshadows.

He sang along. “I don’t need sympathy or your apologies. Why don’t you understand? This face you see, well, it belongs to me. I’m doing the best I can…just to make you smile…again.” He loved that song.

Davey had taken care of Nils’ Sidekick bill, so they could stay in touch, he said. Nils was eager to call his mother but when she told him she was so happy for him now that he was living with Davey, he could only agree. It would kill her to know the truth. She’d dragged Nils through two abusive marriages and would surely blame herself for his predicament.

She might even interfere in their relationship. As confused as he was, Nils knew he didn’t want to lose Davey. He loved him desperately and still believed they could return to what they’d had.

He gathered up his courage and called Ryan and asked him to meet him for lunch. He thought he’d get away with it if Davey didn’t check his call list. He had no money but he was counting on Ryan to pay for his cab and meal. Nils felt guilty about the subterfuge but he had no choice and Ryan had been pleasantly surprised to hear from him.

Nils struggled with the bottom drawer. It held old tshirts that Davey rarely wore now that his clothing line was a success. “Very shrewd, my man is, giving away free tees to Hollywood celebs,” he smiled. Not that his new line wasn’t worthy of that recognition in themselves.

The drawer wouldn’t give. Assuming something was jamming it, he felt around the back. His fingers grasped something familiar. He pulled it out - his wallet.

With a sense of foreboding, he slowly opened it. It had been emptied, completely emptied. He could do nothing but stare at it numbly.

“Where is my angel, where is my angel? Where has he gone…when I need him most?” the Cruxshadows sang.

****************************************************************************************

Nils watched from the window as the cab pulled up to the house. He felt disloyal and afraid, as if Davey could see him leaving. He ignored the prodding that told him to pack a bag and never come back. It felt like his last chance for escape. The empty wallet…

“It’s just lunch with Ryan. It’s okay. He won’t mind if he finds out.” But his heart pounded with anxiety and he nearly lost his nerve to go at all.

The cab blew its horn and began to pull away from the curb. Panicked, Nils ran out, shouting for it to wait.

******************************************************************************************

Ryan was waiting in front of the restaurant and pulled Nils into a hug as he emerged from the cab.

“Jesus, didn’t they feed you in that place?” he squeezed Nils emaciated biceps, grinning.

“Huh?” Nils was nonplussed.

“I guess you’d say you can never be too rich or too thin, especially being a model, right?” Ryan poked Nils in the ribs.

“Ry, do me a favor? I forgot my wallet. Would you take care of the cab?”

“Forgot your wallet, eh? That’s original!” he laughed. “Hey, today…anything for you, man. Go grab us a table while I settle up.”

Nils smiled at Ryan as he took a seat. “It’s so good to see you, Ryan, I mean, really good.”

“Is that your way of telling me you’d like me to pay for lunch, too?” Ryan chuckled. “Like I said, anything for my buddy today.”

When they placed their orders, Ryan ordered two entrees for Nils and Nils didn’t protest. He dove into them as soon as they were served.

Finally, Nils leaned back and stretched with a relaxed smile on his face. “Sorry, that was just too good to interrupt.”

“Now that you’ve stuffed yourself, maybe you can spare me a few words,” Ryan teased. “So how’s it feel to be a free man?”

“What? What do you mean?” Nils couldn’t believe Ryan would joke about it if he knew the truth.

“I bet the best part is being back home with Davey.”

“Ryan, what the hell are you talking about?”

“You’re lucky he stuck it out with you. In fact, if he hadn’t intervened, who knows where you’d be now…Speak of the devil, here he is now!” Ryan was grinning at someone over Nils’ shoulder. Nils froze just as Davey bent down and wrapped his arms around him from behind. He held Nils tightly and kissed him on the cheek.

“Surprise,” he whispered in Nils’ ear.

“Davey, how’d you find us?!” Ryan laughed.

“My boy is oh-so sly but I’m slyer still. Ever heard of gps?” The return of the Sidekick took on new meaning for Nils.

“Oh, Davey’s gone all 007 on us now. Verrry clever.”

Davey continued to lean down over Nils and hold him tightly. “So, what are you two gossiping about?”

“I was just telling him how lucky he is to have you as his god and savior. He acts like he doesn’t know what I’m talking about…”

“All the credit goes to him. He’s the one who went through the fire.”

“That explains why he looks like hell!” Ryan joked. “Seriously, Nils, you should be proud, not ashamed. Not everybody completes rehab.”

“What?!” Nils would’ve jumped up from his seat if Davey hadn’t been holding him so tightly.

“I concur, my love. It’s quite an accomplishment.”

“Yeah, we all wondered what happened to you, it was like you just disappeared. Then Davey let us know that you’d agreed to in-patient treatment. We supported you all the way, Nils, but your docs said we should leave you alone for awhile. We knew you’d be all right. Davey was looking out for you.”

Nils was mute with shock.

“We really should be going, Nils. We have that appointment, you know. Did you have enough to eat?”

“I think he did! I should know - I paid for it! It was an honor, of course.” Ryan grinned.

“That reminds me… Nils, I believe you dropped this.” Davey tossed the wallet onto the table.

 

[ ](http://www.lunapic.com/editor/)

 

  
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at <http://www.afislash.com/viewstory.php?sid=6767>


	5. Chapter 5

On the walk back to the car, Davey was especially attentive to Nils. He wound his arm through Nils’, shot him smiling glances, leaned his head on his shoulder. He was rarely so openly affectionate on a public street. Nils began to relax, believing perhaps there would be no consequences for his rendevous with Ryan.

But when they approached the parking lot, Davey put his hand in his jacket pocket and Nils watched with foreboding as he tossed Nils' empty wallet in a trashcan. For a moment Nils hesitated and actually contemplated running down the street. Instead he let Davey guide him towards the car, firmly holding his hand.

Davey opened the door for Nils but he hesitated. Instead he turned to face Davey and with pleading in his eyes, he said, “Please…don’t…”

Davey simply smiled and placed his hand on Nils’ shoulder. He insistently pressed Nils down into the car.

In the moments it took for Davey to walk around and get into the driver’s seat, Nils mind sped through a thousand thoughts. He gripped the door handle so hard his knuckles went white. The instinct to flee battled with the pretense that all was well.

Nils jumped at the sound of Davey’s voice and his hand coming to rest at the back of his neck.

“…I asked if you had a good time.”

Nils mouth went dry. He swallowed and choked out, “Yeah, fine.”

“Good. Now let’s go.”

Davey’s words brought Nils no comfort and he fought the impulse to fling open the door and jump out at every stoplight but Davey’s hand never left his neck.

Soon after they entered the highway, Davey began to drive erratically. Nils watched with growing trepidation as the speedometer climbed to over 90mph. He braced his hands on the dashboard and felt nauseous with fear. With eyes squeezed shut, he begged, “Davey, please, please don’t do this…”

He was shocked to hear a sob break from Davey. He turned to see Davey’s face wet with tears.

“Oh god, I don’t know what to do, Nils, I don’t know what to do…” He wasn’t seeing the road anymore.

“It’s okay, it’s okay! Whatever it is, I’ll help you…I love you,” Nils voice broke.

Davey brought his fist down on the steering wheel. “No! Don’t you see?! It’s you! What I’ve done to you…”

Nils could only look on in horror as Davey dissolved into hysteria and a horn blew as they narrowly escaped a collision.

“Davey, I swear it’s all right. Just slow down and we’ll talk. Take this exit…please.” Nils gently laid his hand on Davey’s atop the wheel.

A shuddering sigh went through Davey and Nils exhaled in relief. Davey’s grip on the wheel relaxed and he allowed Nils to help steer them down the off-ramp. They pulled into a parking lot and Nils got out, his legs still shaking. He walked over to the driver’s side and opened the door.

“Move over, I’m driving.” He knew everything depended on Davey’s reaction to his command. Surprisingly, Davey acquiesced and Nils slid into the seat. He looked at Davey and his heart broke a little when he saw the misery on his face.

Nils wiped away the tears on Davey’s chin with his thumb. With a sigh of resignation he said, “Let’s go home.”

 

  
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at <http://www.afislash.com/viewstory.php?sid=6767>


	6. Chapter 6

Nils turned off the ignition and waited for Davey to say something, anything. The ride home had been eerily silent. They had nearly been killed due to Davey’s recklessness and he had nothing to say?

Nils got out and walked to the door, unlocked it, then waited for Davey to catch up to him. Davey took the few steps up to the small porch and went through the door as Nils swung it open. He avoided looking Nils in the eye.

Nils heart sank as he realized that they were playing games again. Would Davey ever be honest with him again? Would he ever cease to feel he was the enemy?

He went directly into the bedroom and collapsed on the edge of the bed. He was so tired of it all. Soul-weary. He just wanted it all to go away. He couldn’t imagine life without Davey but it was approaching the point where he didn’t know how much longer he could live with him. He was close to despair.

He dropped his face into his hands. He didn’t hear Davey enter the room. Davey stood beside him and ever so gently smoothed his hair.

“Please don’t give up,” he whispered.

Davey rubbed Nils’ back between the shoulder blades. He pulled him against him.

Nils closed his eyes and relaxed a bit. He could never resist Davey’s touch but he couldn’t bring himself to touch him in return.

Davey laid down behind Nils. He resumed rubbing his back then placed his hand on his shoulder. He gently pulled him back. “Lie down, baby.”

‘You can’t do this,’ Nils chided himself. But he laid down anyway.

It had been so long since Davey had touched him like this. There was a time when he couldn’t get enough of Nils, not in perfunctory sex as it had been lately, but casual, caring caresses. Davey’s warm, demonstrative nature was one of the traits that had endeared him to Nils. A squeeze of his hip, an arm around his waist, a smile that radiated from his eyes with those distinctive wrinkles - all full of devotion so deep that Nils never doubted he was loved.

When had Davey become so cold, so detached? Nils hated to admit it but there were times now when he felt like he was nothing more than an object to aid Davey’s gratification. He didn’t even become aroused during them and it hurt that Davey either didn’t notice or didn’t care.

He was ashamed that he’d done nothing to stop it. The truth was that he’d become so deprived, so needy for any physical contact with Davey that he’d settle for anything he could get.

Davey pulled Nils on top of him, taking him off guard. He wound his hands into Nils’ hair but was careful not to pull it. He pressed Nils’ mouth against his own and moaned. When he prodded Nils’ lips open and slid his tongue into his mouth, Nils felt his mind giving way to his body. He needed this so badly.

Nils waited for Davey to roll him over so he was beneath him but Davey made it clear he enjoyed the reversal and Nils gratefully complied. He relished the feeling of being in control and he felt himself hardening.

Davey felt it, too and pulled up on Nils’ tee and Nils allowed him to take it off. Davey kissed along Nils’ throat, neck, shoulders, collar bone. He was so tender and Nils’ began to feel that Davey really did still care for him.

“Unbutton me, please.” Nils’ fingers had a will of their own as he quickly removed Davey’s shirt.

Davey took him by the shoulders and pulled him down on top of him again. He caressed Nils’ back and sides. He slipped his hand below the waist of his pants, his fingers seeking the top of Nils’ cleft.

Nils thought, “Here it comes. He’s going to flip me over and fuck me.” But Davey withdrew his hand and continued to run his hands up and down Nils’ back. Nils’ erection was in earnest then. He hoped this time Davey wouldn’t betray his trust

Nils wanted his pants off. He wanted Davey’s jeans off. He opened Davey’s fly and slid his hand down to his cock. He discovered he was aroused as well. Within a minute both had shed all clothing and fell back on the bed together.

Davey kissed Nils briefly and said, “Why don’t you lie back against the headboard?” as he gently pushed him back. “ Here, let me put this behind you.” He tucked a large pillow behind Nils.

Davey resumed kissing Nils’ mouth while his splayed hands rested across his chest, peaked nipples beneath each palm. He drew Nils’ tongue into his mouth slowly over his lipring. He mimicked fellatio.

He found that produced the effect he wanted when he brushed his hand over Nils’ lap and discovered his rigid cock pressed against his abdomen. Davey moved down Nils’ body, all the while gazing up at him with a cunning smile.

“Mmm, beautiful,” he said as he wrapped his hands around the base of Nils’ cock and brought his mouth down to the head and placed a light kiss there and flicked the slit with the tip of his tongue. Nils hissed. Davey lifted his tongue and used the piercing bar underneath to lick his cock from his balls up to the tip.

He lavished attention on the head, taking it into his mouth. He ran his tongue around it and then gently sucked it. Davey altered his position slightly and slowly pulled all of Nils’ cock into his mouth, stopping only when it hit the back of his throat. He began to go up and down its length while he sucked, not too hard and not too fast, as if he was taking his time enjoying it.

Nils rested his hands on Davey’s shoulders, feeling his muscles flex as he moved up and down on Nils’ cock. Nils lifted his hips up to meet Davey’s mouth over and over until he was nearly fucking him. Davey could taste the pre-cum and swallowed hard to draw it out.

“Ohgod, Dave, I think I’m gonna come...” Davey slowly pulled off his aching cock

“Welll…hold that thought,” Davey replied with that same sly smile. “I’ll be back in five minutes.” He disappeared into the adjoining bathroom. Nils enjoyed the view of Davey’s backside as he walked away. He squeezed the base of his cock to slow down the blood flow, resisting the desire to stroke himself and wondering what Davey had planned.

Davey returned and settled himself on Nils’ lap, facing him. He chuckled when he gazed down at their cocks pressed together between them. He wrapped his hand around them both and began to pump. Davey’s slender fingers belied the strength they held, gained from many years of performing, microphone in hand.

He watched Nils’ eyes flutter closed and his head fall back. “Shit, that’s so good. If you don’t stop…”

“Shhh, patience…” Davey relaxed his hand and released them both.

Davey wound his arms around Nils neck and kissed him leisurely as they held each other close, chest to chest. Then Davey drew away and rose up on his knees. He held Nils’ cock so it aligned with his entrance and slowly lowered himself, ignoring the initial discomfort. Despite the prepping he’d just given himself, it had been hasty and his body protested the intrusion.

Nils couldn’t believe this was happening. Davey had never offered himself like this. Nils gripped Davey‘s hips and held him still when he was fully sheathed. The sensation of tight heat was so intense he didn’t know if he could stave off coming.

“Just feel.” Davey’s voice was a husky whisper as he rose and fell on Nils’ cock, building to a steady rhythm. “Ahhh, fuck,” Nils groaned and dug his fingers into Davey‘s waist.

Davey inhaled sharply when Nils’ cock rubbed that spot inside him that made him want to ride him harder and harder. Neither was finding it easy to control himself. Overcome with emotion, Nils tucked his head down and sighed fervently, “I love you so much, Davey.” Davey pressed his lips against Nils’ temple.

They both panted as their movements became more frenzied. Nils was on the edge of climax when he felt Davey’s hands close lightly around his throat. Nils broke into a lusty smile. “Ohgod, yes…”

Davey had been the one to introduce him to breathplay. He was a master at it and knew exactly what it took to make Nils beg for release. As Davey’s hold tightened Nils’ lungs longed for air and adrenaline coursed through him. He knew Davey knew not to take it easy on him. A shattering orgasm was just within his reach.

Nils grit his teeth and felt that exquisite uncoiling deep down that promised a dizzying climax. His brain demanded oxygen but all Nils wanted was to drown in the tidal wave of pleasure that was sweeping over him. It was better than any drug and he felt intense love for Davey as the harbinger of this ecstasy. He clung to him as he emptied deep inside him.

He floated down from the sensual high and waited patiently for Davey to slowly lighten the pressure and let his lungs fill with air at a measured pace. When that didn’t happen he brought a hand up to Davey’s to signal his orgasm had ended and he needed to breathe now. Still Davey tightened his hold on Nils’ throat.

Nils wrapped both hands around Davey’s and firmly pulled. He panicked when Davey suddenly closed on his windpipe. His eyes flew open and he saw that Davey was crying. His lips were moving and it became imperative that Nils decipher what he was saying. He was gripped by fear when he finally understood.

“…sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…” Davey repeated endlessly and the tears flowed down his face.

Nils became pure instinct as he fought for his life. He clawed at Davey’ s arms and sunk his nails into his hands until blood rose to the surface. It was as if Davey felt nothing. His murderous hold never slackened.

With his eyes, Nils entreated Davey to spare his life but Davey was lost in disassociation now and a blank stare had replaced the emotional turmoil of moments before.

Nils despaired breaking through to Davey before it was too late. His awareness narrowed to the burning in his lungs and the pounding of his heart. A roar filled his ears and showers of stars burst across the dark of his vision. He felt his strength draining from him and his hands fell away from Davey’s. He had no choice but to surrender to excruciating suffocation.

Davey emerged from his trance when he felt Nils go limp. He suddenly realized what had happened and snatched his hands away from Nils’ throat as if he’d been burned. He saw the ring of ugly red marks left there like some obscene necklace. He seized his shoulders and shook him but Nils’ head lolled back lifelessly.

Davey held his breath and watched Nils’ sternum, so painfully visible through his thin chest. He waited for signs of respiration but none came. He began rescue-breathing immediately.

Terrifying minutes went by before Nils chest heaved and he began to gasp and cough violently as he gulped air. Davey tried to support him but Nils writhed away from him and struggled to his hands and knees.

Davey reached down to him. “Please let me help you, baby.”

Nils pushed himself up and fell back against the wall. He feebly fended off Davey’s embrace.

“Stay away!” he rasped, clutching his throat.

“But, please, let me help you…” Davey was crying again.

“You!? Help me?! I hate you, I hate you!,” Nils spit out. He was so weak and it took great effort to shout. He began to crumble.

Davey’s hands balled into fists and his eyes glittered with anger at Nils’ words. He advanced on him. Nils lifted his head and helplessly watched Davey approaching. He was defenseless and in that moment he accepted the end.

“Go on, hit me, beat me. You want me dead? Just run away like you always do. I’ll take care of it for you.”

Nils stumbled into the bathroom and locked the door. He needed something to do the job. His eyes fell on Davey’s cuticle scissors, their tiny points as sharp as a dagger. Without a moment’s hesitation, he jabbed them deep into the vein just above his trembling wrist.

He cried out more in surprise than pain when he saw the blood spurt out of the puncture wound. He watched in fascinated horror as it pulsed out in time with the beating of his heart.

Despite his terror he was more appalled by the mess he was making of Davey’s newly remodeled bathroom. He staggered to the edge of the tub and let his arm drop. Although it still spattered the sides, he was satisfied that most of it would be contained as it continued the bloody throbbing.

As if from a far distance, he heard Davey shouting and pounding on the door. He was pleading to be let in. A strangled sob escaped from Nils. It wasn't imminent death that made him grieve. It was the realization he'd never see Davey again. It was his last thought before he lost consciousness.

Out of his mind with fear, Davey kicked the door open. It crashed back into the wall and he gasped at the horrendous scene. He nearly slipped in the small pool of blood at the door as he rushed to Nils, slumped over the tub. He bent over Nils, begging him to live.

“Please, don’t leave, don’t leave without me,” he implored.

He desperately scanned the room for something to use as a tourniquet and saw his tie hanging from the doorknob. He snatched it up and tied it as tightly as he could around Nils’ upper arm.

As the flow from the wound slowed, Davey carefully lowered Nils to the floor and covered his nakedness with a towel. He raced from the room and grabbed his phone, dialing 911 as he yanked on his jeans.

He returned to Nils’ still form and tenderly cradled his head in his lap. His fingers never left the thready pulse at Nils’ throat. He heard the sirens screaming as they neared and he prayed to a god he didn’t believe existed for just one more chance.

Fini

 

  
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at <http://www.afislash.com/viewstory.php?sid=6767>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS STORY IS CONTINUED IN "TOAST THE FLAME."


End file.
